Dear Dating Medic,When should I call a guy and when should I not call a guy?
-Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You should never call a guy... except when you should. The simple answer to this question is found in the Law of Uncertainty. I often mention this law because it's a fundamental to basic dating that not many people grasp. That which is more rare, is more highly sought after.
In the beginning stages of dating, you lessen your value as a commodity in the single's market if you come off as too eager and too available. Guys are competitive by nature. We like to win competitions and we like the sense of accomplishment in obtaining a prize for a job well done. In the short term, many guys may be very willing to take the easy win and a short fling, but those who want lasting relationships also want a deeper satisfaction. This satisfaction comes from a guy knowing that his own efforts earned him the best available prize and this doesn't come from the easiest or first girl that throws herself at him. There must be an element of uncertainty that he will win the game. There must be an element of coyness in the girl that indicates she has other options and he better put on his best game if he's going to win her over. If he has no doubt that he can seal the deal, then it's an almost guarantee that he will soon take her for granted and the idea may occur to him that he could have won a better girl if he had tried harder. That's just the way it is! Once a deeper love is achieved, there isn't a need for this strategizing because there are stronger emotions and biology at play. There's a saying that pretty much sums up a guy's role in all of this: "Wink. I'll do the rest." If he's any type of man and he's not a complete idiot in the social world, all you should have to do is give very clear interest by FLIRTING, be FUN, and RECIPROCATE his efforts. Reciprocating is important when you've had a fun time on a date. You don't necessarily have to ask him out like he did with you, but at least let him know in some way you really had a fun time and want to go out again. If you haven't been clear that you're interested, this could easily explain why he hasn't called. If you have been clear, put it out of your mind and have confidence in yourself. It's like a job interview. If after the interview, they don't call you, so what? Don't you want a job where they value your qualifications and skills or do you want a job where you don't feel appreciated?
You may feel that he's interested but he has something holding him back such as work commitments or ending a recent relationship. Try not to spend much time analyzing these situations. Like women, men have their own time frames for being ready for a relationship or dating. There's very little any woman can do to make a man come out of his cave unless he wants to. If you feel you absolutely must call him to satisfy your curiosity, I would stick to the three strike rule. No more than a combination of 3 voicemails, texts, or emails without reciprocation. Sometimes even three is pushing your luck. Anything beyond that and you earn the new title of "psycho-girl" among his friends. What if he responds, but barely? Maybe he texts back in response to a voicemail or it takes several days every time he responds. In Australia, we say, "He's giving you the drips." This means that when you're thirsty for water or something that melts like ice cream, he's only giving you the least amount possible, the drips. Be good to yourself. Move on. If you don't, the bigger problem is your delusions, not his disinterest. -DM
-Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You should never call a guy... except when you should. The simple answer to this question is found in the Law of Uncertainty. I often mention this law because it's a fundamental to basic dating that not many people grasp. That which is more rare, is more highly sought after.
In the beginning stages of dating, you lessen your value as a commodity in the single's market if you come off as too eager and too available. Guys are competitive by nature. We like to win competitions and we like the sense of accomplishment in obtaining a prize for a job well done. In the short term, many guys may be very willing to take the easy win and a short fling, but those who want lasting relationships also want a deeper satisfaction. This satisfaction comes from a guy knowing that his own efforts earned him the best available prize and this doesn't come from the easiest or first girl that throws herself at him. There must be an element of uncertainty that he will win the game. There must be an element of coyness in the girl that indicates she has other options and he better put on his best game if he's going to win her over. If he has no doubt that he can seal the deal, then it's an almost guarantee that he will soon take her for granted and the idea may occur to him that he could have won a better girl if he had tried harder. That's just the way it is! Once a deeper love is achieved, there isn't a need for this strategizing because there are stronger emotions and biology at play. There's a saying that pretty much sums up a guy's role in all of this: "Wink. I'll do the rest." If he's any type of man and he's not a complete idiot in the social world, all you should have to do is give very clear interest by FLIRTING, be FUN, and RECIPROCATE his efforts. Reciprocating is important when you've had a fun time on a date. You don't necessarily have to ask him out like he did with you, but at least let him know in some way you really had a fun time and want to go out again. If you haven't been clear that you're interested, this could easily explain why he hasn't called. If you have been clear, put it out of your mind and have confidence in yourself. It's like a job interview. If after the interview, they don't call you, so what? Don't you want a job where they value your qualifications and skills or do you want a job where you don't feel appreciated?
You may feel that he's interested but he has something holding him back such as work commitments or ending a recent relationship. Try not to spend much time analyzing these situations. Like women, men have their own time frames for being ready for a relationship or dating. There's very little any woman can do to make a man come out of his cave unless he wants to. If you feel you absolutely must call him to satisfy your curiosity, I would stick to the three strike rule. No more than a combination of 3 voicemails, texts, or emails without reciprocation. Sometimes even three is pushing your luck. Anything beyond that and you earn the new title of "psycho-girl" among his friends. What if he responds, but barely? Maybe he texts back in response to a voicemail or it takes several days every time he responds. In Australia, we say, "He's giving you the drips." This means that when you're thirsty for water or something that melts like ice cream, he's only giving you the least amount possible, the drips. Be good to yourself. Move on. If you don't, the bigger problem is your delusions, not his disinterest. -DM
