Anonymous Reader

Comment from an Anonymous Reader:

As I sat here reading this, I thought of all the times I smothered the person I was dating as I realized I was losing control in the relationship. I never did a crazy act or behavior toward them, but I gave them 10X more love than I would have given them before in attempts to hold on to them or get them to love me more. This is a sure way to drive someone away. Even though I didn't harm them or their property, or even stalk them, I believe this is another form of psychotic behavior. It's that uncontrolable action taken as we fear that we are losing our power. As I've matured in dating and relationships, I've realized that love is an addiction (like you said) and like all addictions, we must have self-control to control our appetites or desires. I've also gained a better understanding of a persons right to choose and that you cannot control anyone but yourself. If that person chooses to draw away from you, than you have no choice but to give them that freedom. It takes a lot of strength and will-power, but like every other addiction, we can overcome it.

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Dear Anonymous Reader,

One of my favorite quotes about love comes from the book I previously mentioned, When Love Meets Fear. It says the perfect relationship is one where "two liberties meet, embrace, salute, and protect each other. It's not throwing one's liberty away; it is cherishing yours and someone else's." I like what you said about having self control to not smother the other person and that you cannot control anyone but yourself. In today's society, we are inculcated to believe that real love is the type where we are consumed. Love songs and movies teach us that when someone is in love, they can't live without the other person. They teach us that if we arrange some big production like racing to the airport to stop someone's from leaving, announce our love on the Jumbo Tron in a sports stadium, or get a whole crowd or airplane filled with people (Wedding Singer) to assist us, we can win someone back someone's love. We expect that if someone is not at the same place as us, they only need to be convinced of our dedication and they will change their mind. This simply isn't reality. It's an attempt to control or at least manipulate another's actions. Our behavior is fear based and seeks to avoid our own personal loss instead of love based which seeks first the happiness of the other person. Now deep down we may believe that we are the ones that can provide their best happiness and there's nothing wrong with that desire, but in this battle we become our own worst enemies. Infactuation/lust is clingy. Love can let go. It's one of the toughest lessons to learn, but if we state our feelings clearly so that our intentions are clear, we should be able to sit still with that faith that if they are the one for us... they will come back and it will all work out. But if not, then we have that faith there is someone better suited and ready for us.
-DM